Relatives Who Never Leave

Bizarre.

Just Bizarre.

Fine, there's nothing wrong with living with your parents, in particular if you're taking care of them, but this cough gentleman cough in Wiesbaden, Germany seems to have gotten a little carried away with the care giving.

The 42-year old man had been living with his father for at least a year. During that year the father spent the entire time on the couch ...

Dead.

Quoted in Reuters, Petra Volk of the local police department stated, "The father was skeletal, just skin and bones, completely dried up."

The son apparently did this so as not to be evicted.


The man he lived with his Dad,
Even though he's not a young lad;
The firemen were called,
For someone had balled,
"Something is rancid, gone bad".

It's fine to live with your pop,
But what do you do should he drop,
Dead on the couch;
Don't be a slouch,
Find a stick so that he you may prop.


He and John Henry Williams may wish to have a little get together with their fathers.

Pissed Off

A, thus far unnamed, 23 year-old man was attempting to withdraw 10 Euros (US $10) from an automatic teller machine in Offencach, Germany but was prevented from doing so due to an empty bank account.

The man, annoyed with the situation, proceeded to unzip his fly and urinate into the ATM.

Security cameras caught the whole incident.


There once was a man who was dissed,
"By a teller, automatic", he hissed;
So his willy he set free,
And proceeded to pee,
In the machine for he was so pissed.


Couldn't he just say that he was trying to add some liquidity to his account?
____________________________________
Don't forget to sponsor the Idiot in the 2002 Blogathon.

911? Oops!

Amongst the abundance of Idiots out there one can't help but roll ones eyes and chuckle upon hearing of Robert Riordan's predicament.

The resident of Stratford, Ontario was desirous of obtaining a phone number, so he dialed 411 - or so he thought.

Upon hearing that the police answered he realized that he mistakenly dialed 911.

Shortly thereafter a patrol car was sent to Robert Riordan's residence, where they found a marijuana grow operation in the basement.

Oops!


Robert was a grower of pot,
To his house the police they did trot;
For his mind was a'slumber,
As he dialed the wrong number,
And was arrested and busted and caught.


Shall we assume that Mr. Riordan consumes his own produce?

Phone Sex

The women of Enron did it.

The men of Enron did it.

Now it's time for the women of WorldCom to do it.

It appears that Hugh Hefner is continuing with his come back with his follow-up to his pictures of the "Women of Enron" in July's Playboy magazine with an issue to feature pics of former WorldCom women as Playboy playmates.


WorldCom helped you to talk with your Palm,
That was until they dropped the big bomb;
Now their ladies so dear,
For whom we'll all cheer,
Will get naked for every Dick Bob and Tom.


Of course, accountants as they are - always desiring to have their share of the pie - the Women of WorldCom issue will also be featuring some pictures of the women of Arthur Andersen as well. The auditing firm Arthur Andersen, as you may recall, was convicted last month of obstruction of justice in the government's probe of the collapse of their former client, Enron.


There once was a firm that did books,
Until it was said that they cooks,
The books and the profit,
Nothing to scoff at,
So now they're convicted damn crooks.

Their ladies do you think that they fake it?
For in Playboy they're going to get naked;
It's all that they'll show,
Not like their audits, y'know;
For WorldCom's they're accused that they baked it.


Teresa Henessy, a Playboy spokes woman, said that Playboy may make the offer to employees of any future scandal ridden companies.

"Playboy is always after stories that are in synch with the news."


Playboy they know what sells;
Getting ladies who'll ring the bells,
Mixed in with scandal,
To light your candle,
So now Hef's wallet too swells.


What would happen if Playboy were the scandal ridden company? Would their women appear clothed?

Related Posts:

Celling Sex
Oiled And Greased
Lack of Communication

The Idiot To Diet

I believe that I take fairly good care of myself. I exercise and, being a capable chef, I eat in a healthy manner. The latter, with the enjoyment that I take in eating good food, has made it that diets are not for me ...

Until now.

Dietician Bruno Fabbri, it has been reported has been studying the exercise value of sexual activities (why am I never asked to partake in these studies?). During his studies (extensive?) he has found that, for example, unclasping a bra with your mouth burns up an average of 87 calories whilst a 26-minute session of sex which ends with an orgasm will rid you of half a pizza (would that be with or without extra toppings?).

They say that dieting is always better when it's on a buddy system, I guess that this just goes to prove how accurate that is.

I finally know where it's all at,
To get a stomach that is so flat;
With a French kiss,
Or orgasmic bliss;
It's a diet to burn off the fat.


(See how good I was ... I didn't say a thing about drinking plenty of liquids.)

____________________________________
Don't forget to sponsor the Idiot today.

The Idiot is Sponsored

And awayyyyyy we go!

Well, it has been a busy 24 hours with starting to drum up a few sponsors for the 2002 Blogathon, but I'm very please to announce our first two sponsors:



Many thanks to Michelle at Mandarin Design, Jo-Anne at Cosmic Cards and everyone in their organizations for their generosity.

If you'd like to sponsor the Idiot, click here and for further information pertaining to the event click here.

If you know someone who might be willing to sponsor the Idiot then contact them, hassle, nag, and bug them, be a general pain in the ass until you get them to do it - What better excuse do you have - it's for charity. Okay, don't really be a pain in the ass, but do ask them nicely.

There once were some ladies who gave,
To sponsor an Idiot, the knave;
But they gave from deep down,
To sponsor the clown;
So he'd rant in his limericks and rave.

Again, many thanks! :-)




Related Posts:

Blogathon 2002

Man Bites Dog

You just knew that sooner or later it had to happen.

Newsday reported that in defense of his Siberian husky, Richard Robbins bit a pit bull, Dutch, in the head, filling his mouth with skin and fur.

The situation occurred in New York whilst Mr. Robbins, 44, was walking his dogs and the pit bull owned by Mary Graham of Huntington charged and attacked his pet, Gina Marie.

During the fight a second of Ms. Graham's pit bulls, Eve broke loose to help in the attack. A third pit bull, Sable, did not join in the mauling.

Why is it that people seem to believe that just because their pet it well behaved around them that the animal's natural instincts will not flash up upon meeting others of their species? Pit bulls can be wonderful pets, but one must keep a leash on them when out in public and that the collar and leash must be of such quality and strength so as to enable complete control of the animal at all times.

Mary Graham, though she may have been screaming, "I'm sorry" during the event, should not be permitted to own a pet of this nature if she is incapable of keeping it under control in any type of situation.

My hat off to Mr. Robbins, who received 37 puncture wounds and may reconstructive surgery, for his bravery in jumping into the fracas whilst the dog's owner could only stand there and whimper.


There once was a silly dip switch,
Whose dog it was loose, unhitched;
It was a hell hole,
As she lost control;
She should buy a fish, the dumb bitch.


Dutch, the pit bull, will be put to sleep.

Blogathon 2002

... fastening the last buttons of my crisp white shirt before wrapping the sable cloak around my shoulders and placing a similarly coloured broad brimmed hat upon my combed hair. Taking a moment to glance at myself in the mirror before heading out into the lime-light, pondering that I appear more as a pimp than a preacher before dismissing the thought as there tends to be little that differs between the two.

Lights!

Camera!

Action!

Good readers, welcome once more to the House of the Idiot! A time for dyslexic musings that will render your senses into a noctambulistic daze.

But wait!

arms reaching up to the starry sky

All of you good Idiots out there, it is time for you to show your appreciation for those chuckles that have been brought to the backs of your throats (not to be confused with bile) and those deep yawns that have helped to take you into the land of slumbers.

hands waving in the air

I would like for you to reach deep into your pockets, brothers and sisters! Draw out the price of a package of cigarettes or the cost of a super-sized box of popcorn - Regardless of the amount, take it out of your pocket now and place it to the side for a cause that is worthy. Click here right now!

"What cause?" you ask?

You too may have this once in a (gnat's) life-time opportunity to sponsor your favourite cough cough Idiot in the 2002 Blogathon.

tossing my black hat and cloak to the side and then rolling up the sleeves of my shirt

All hype and bullshitting aside - The Blogathon organization now has over 200 participants with in excess of 1,000 sponsors who have pledged upwards of $30,000 thus far.

Yours truly will be participating and blogging away for the full 24 hours, with my caffeine IV already prepared. During the time I will write and publish a new limerick based on topical suggestions provided to me by e-mail and on the tagboard (if I find the time I may be setting up a special tagboard for the occasion).

You as a sponsor, now what do you receive? Other than the warm fuzzy feeling for your contribution, that is. Over the next couple of weeks prior to (as well as a yet unspecified period subsequent to) the event, I will place your 88x33 button in a prominent place upon this blog. Not only that, during that time I will be graciously thanking you within the blog for your generosity.

This year's proceeds for sponsors of the Grinning Idiot blog will be going to Doctors Without Borders.

So click here now and sponsor Grinning Idiot's Grin And Bare It today.


You know that you'll burn for your sins,
Much to everyone's chagrin;
So don't be a nut,
With your head up your butt;
Instead sponsor the Idiot who Grins.


This has been a Grinning Idiot public service announcement.

Bad Habit

This seemed to be a fitting follow-up to yesterday's post regarding impersonations. I referred to female impersonators, male impersonators, and the fellow who had the balls to be a eunuch impersonator.

And today?

Today it about a man who dresses up like a nun.

And the bad puns have started already.

We want nun of that here.

It's a bad habit.

We'll have nun of those jokes here.

I know, I know ... I'm habitually punny.

Jokes aside (do you believe that?), is this some sort of English cross-dressing fetish that has its roots back in the days when they split from the Roman church?

Or someone whose fetish includes scenes from the Spanish Inquisition?

No, nothing as mundane and every day as such. According to the Sunday People, Shane Ryan wears a habit as he drives his car.

I can think of many articles of clothing that would be much more comfortable than wearing a habit in the car (not that I've ever worn a habit, mind you).

Shane Ryan does it to decrease road rage.

The man from Warwickshire, England became so frustrated with aggressive drivers that he commenced dressing as a nun whilst behind the wheel of a car.

Shane told the paper, "The habit's the answer to my prayers. I might look ridiculous but driving is bliss. Other motorists are so courteous when they spot me."


And then there's a man named Shane,
For whom driving was always a bane;
It's a habit he wears,
But not to say prayers;
It's his fetish to drive down the lane.


It's a good thing that he didn't dress up as a priest

Ballsy Impersonator

Going back at least a couple of centuries you could find male impersonators such as vaudeville entertainer Annie Hindle.

One may go back through the millennia to find female impersonators, in anywhere from Shakespearean plays to the Greek tragedies.

But eunuch impersonators?

Yes, I realize that Merriam-Webster has a definition for political eunuchs and that Washington has its fill of such - But that's not what I'm referring to here.

This is about someone who decided to impersonate the ol' bye bye balls castrated infertile male type of eunuch.

Grimace

The Silliguri Barta newspaper in northern Bengal, India reported that a man was arrested for impersonating a eunuch, apparently having worked with a team of other similarly attired eunuch impersonators, the balance of whom escaped.

The ballsy eunuchs were apparently blessing children in exchange for money.

Would it be poetic justice if the police enabled him to fulfill his occupational desires with honesty?


The police in India were called,
By the eunuchs who weren't enthralled;
For if you looked closer,
You'd see a poser;
It was someone who wasn't de-balled.


For some reason I believe that there might be a lesson herein for the Catholic church.

This was originally published yesterday but due to an error in Blogger it didn't stay published. Let's see if it works this time.