What Would Jesus Do?

Mr. Todd Warren, a nuclear pharmacist by trade and a Sunday school teacher for the Prairie Oak Community Church in Andover, Minnesota, had some strange ideas when it came to helping one of his students practice his penmanship.

It seems that this esteemed Sunday school teacher decided to advise one of his students to write: ... keeping a straight face ... "What would Jesus do?" on his penis.




There once was an apostle, Dick,
Whom Todd said to write on his prick,
What Jesus would do?
(Get a lawyer and sue)
And then up Todd's ass with a brick.


Todd, I hope that they keep it nice and toasty for you in Hell.

K-Mart Pulls Martha's Pot

It hasn't been a very good past few days for the life-style queen, Martha Stewart. First the insider trading scandal and now, while Martha was tossing her salad on ABC the other morning, the following announcement was being prepared:

Attention K-Mart shoppers, you will no longer be able to purchase Martha Stewart's "potpourri simmering pots" under the blue light any longer.

Apparently Martha's pot is dangerous to your health.

How bad can things be for someone when K-Mart pulls your product?


There once was a woman who made doily,
Who traded her stocks so coyly;
As she played with her crisper,
She heard a quiet whisper,
From an insider who was quite oily.

Oops, now K-Mart has pulled the plug;
It's just one more tug on the rug,
That's under her feet,
As she feels the heat;
But she's still in her kitchen so smug.


A person who is a skeptical cynic might be inclined to believe that the SEC is on another witch hunt and that K-Mart is attempting to take advantage of the situation by drumming up a little publicity.

Heaven's Delight

I was reviewing a few of the older articles pertaining to the Catholic church and the policies that they've implemented (digression: A good first step and it will be for to wait and see how the head Pooh-Bah in Rome handles the situation, not to mention how they're going actually enforce the policies) within their organization and I stumbled (I do that all too frequently) across these:

A priest gets defrocked; does a hooker get unscrewed?

A priest gets defrocked; does an altar boy get delighted?


Related Articles:

The World is Flat
Sign of the Times
Fuzzy (Catholic) Logic
Boston Tea Party

AntiDrug

I'll admit that I do admire the originality involved with this smuggling operation, even if I do disagree with the cause.

Peruvian police stated that criminals coated 5,000 giant Amazonian ants with opium latex which they intercepted on its way to the German market.




There once were some ants from Peru,
Covered with latex, the police did construe,
That the latex was drugs,
Over the six legged bugs;
With which with your mind for to screw.


Making a note not to try chocolate covered ants again.

Lack of Communication

We all know that the fit will hit the shan (can you say that 5 times fast?) with the WorldCom fuck up. It was one thing for my ex girl friend to tell me that she spent a little more than she told me that she would. We're talking about a slight mis-statement to the tune of nearly 4 billion dollars (and that's not even Canadian dollars).

These guys must have had their solar panels pointed at the moon or was there a flurry of late expense reimbursements submitted?

It may be that Ebbner learned to how to milk something as well as the ability to skim (milk, that is) in his former trade


We all know it's going to be hit,
And the SEC will have a big fit;
With WorldCom's big mess,
Who will confess,
And clean the fan covered with shit?


Oh yes, lest we forget ... guess who WorldCom's (now former) accountants were at the time that the allegations transpired?

Garbage Junket

Those of a more cynical ilk might be inclined to believe that the New York politicians wishing to investigate the merits of the city sending their garbage to a, as of yet unnamed, Caribbean country are more interested in going off on a fact finding mission on some warm white sands.


The politicians of City New York,
Want another crack at the pork-
Barrel of cash,
For a holiday bash;
The taxpayers they're gonna torque.


Besides, they've got New Jersey right there.

Cream Ma'am?

Oh man. This dude has some serious problems. A major control freak or a whacked out coffee fetish?

And he's challenging his dismissal from work? Ha!


Mr. Castle, he likes his coffee,
But he's sick as Muammar Gaddfi;
For into the drink,
He'd dip his dink,
And pull it like soft water toffee.


I'll just enjoy my tea.

Go-Go Rectory

When does it stop? I don't give a damn about him being gay - that's his choice. It's the hypocrisy of the Catholic church and the manner in which they have covered up situations similar to this.

The pastor allegedly cough - bullshit - cough subjected various persons, including the principal of the Catholic school in his parish, to vulgar sexual remarks, handing out gay pornography and leading a person to gay leather bars under false pretenses.

The priest, who lived with a male go-go dancer, (once again, allegedly) also pilfered money from the church (don't you love knowing that when your donations aren't going to pay off people in lawsuits that it could be pilfered by priests instead?).


What's up with ol' Reverend John?
Looks like he has no collar on;
Taking money from schools,
Dating go-go fools;
Could it be he's a perv and con?