Panty Raid

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Do you know what just happened? Someone's bottom was just pinched. No, that wasn't her making those noises. That was the sound of the new alarm going off. According to Pravda, that's the way Serbian inventor Slavomir Adamovic wants it to be.

In order to reduce harrassment (will it?) at the workplace, the inventor has embedded a micro chip into the panties, to be produced by an Italian company, that emits a peep when pressed. Or is this a conspiracy and there is a tracking device along with it?

Though there's never an excuse for sexual harrassment, is this really the solution? What happens when they sit down? Straighten the thong that is too tight? Slap a mosquito on her backside? The microchip short circuits? Most important: Will the under garments come in Victoria Secret designs?


Panties that will go Beep Beep,
If pinched by an office creep;
What'll be said,
If worn to bed,
And the woman does move in her sleep?


Will they embed a counter function into the micro chip for the more exhibitionisticly inclined?

Women like Men with Big

Wallets.

At least according to Cornell University biologist Kevin McGraw, women from big cities do use monetary status as a gauge of "mate worthiness" over looks. Money and Visa Gold Cards were less of an issue for women in smaller cities.

A research study in "flexible mating strategies" had to be done in order to figure this out?. Or is this a new Cornell job perk?

It brings to mind a lady with whom I had a serious relationship. It was getting to that point ... the "M" word. I don't have a problem with commitment (my fingers are uncrossed), but when she said that the ring has to be bigger than the one given to her by her ex - help.


For women to like you a lot,
It's cash and plastic you've got,
To have plenty of,
For your sweet turtle dove,
You're a poor bugger now that you're caught.


Hey baby, is that a wallet in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

God Truss the Queen

The week draws to a close and there appears to be am abundance of weirdness fluttering around the Net. Is there something in the ether? More AOL users online than usual?

Prior to commenting, be warned - Some of the links that are associated with this post are not for the shy, so if you are:

Under the age of 18;
Too politically correct;
My mother; or,
Listening to Britney Spears,

Please click here.

The London fetish club, Torture Garden, is marking the Golden Jubilee with a special event - highlights of which will include a Tower of London dungeon and fashion shows with themes including, drag kings and queens and cruel Britannia.


There once was a Queen in leather,
Who tickled her court with a feather;
They'd laugh with glee;
So hard till they'd pee,
I wonder if she'll wear garments nether?


Will Charles and Camilla be attending? (He looks as though he's been hung by his ears with clothespins.)

Happy (and safe) celebrations to all!

World Cup Sex

Denise Fato, owner of the Love Place sex shop in Sao Paulo, Brazil has found a replacement activity for the beer shortage in South Korea during the World Cup series.

World Cup erotic kits.

You receive, according to Folha de Sao Paulo a costume based on the national team's uniform, a vibrator shaped as a banana and a green and yellow condom.

If the Brazilian vibrator is shaped like a banana, would Denmark's be shaped like this?


The marketers minds do flex,
To sell a kit made for sex;
During the games,
You think the flames,
Will be pleasure or more of a vex?


How patriotic do you have to be to use green and yellow condoms?

Bill's Baby Boozed

See, you looked.

You're wondering ... Bill who? Clinton? His baby? A girlfriend? His daughter?

Your curiosity is getting the better of you as your voyeuristic nature commences to show.

So what.

The Sun reported that Chelsea Clinton had a few drinks too many. Good for her! Life is to be Lived and every so often it doesn't hurt to have a few too many. Just don't be a moron and drive drunk. (My public service message for the year.)


Who is it that hasn't been drunk;
Hillary and a Buddhist monk?
Drink and pour,
But be careful or,
You'll awaken in a hung over funk.


Besides, you might want to have a few lemon drops if you had parents like Bill and Hillary

Library Card Revoked

An unemployed 39 year old Mr. Teunis Teun was hauled out of the Delft public library for ...

Smelly feet.

You're going to start believing that I have some sort of weird foot fetish, this is the second article within a week about feet.

I first heard about this while listening to Bro Jake's morning show and they were reading the weird news for the morning.

The reports stated that the gentleman was charged with breaching the peace for ignoring a ban prohibiting him from going into a Dutch library. They claimed that the smell of his feet caused other patrons to flee. (He reminds me of a kid in my grade 8 gym class.)

They will be doing a "smell test" to see how bad of an odor his feet really have and the judge presiding over the case will be making his decision this Friday.


From a library he they did kick,
For people became very sick;
The smell of his feet,
Their noses did greet,
The air filled green and thick.


I wonder if Nike is looking for any Dutch representatives.

Grin and Bare It Fans

Aha!

Finally!

I now know whom it is that is searching for Grin and Bare It at the search engines. (See previous article if your mind is in a fog and you're wondering what the hell I'm babbling about.)



To the potential members of the Grinning Idiot GABI Club a huge Welcome! Howdy! Hej! Vaelkommen! Oi! Privyet! Hola! Salut! and Moikka!.


To be members here you must,
Bare it but not your bust;
Your grin for to see,
Then its all free;
(I don't wish to see any crust).


E-mail me with your photos to become members of the prestigious Grinning Idiot GABI Club and I'll send to you an electronically enhanced text document providing certificate of confirmation of your membership in this elite program. Tattoos not required. Full details of the membership program will be published shortly.

I said that with a straight face, really I did.

snort


Addendum:


This is an exclusive club and Grinning Idiot (myself) has final say as to who may or may not become a member of this prestigious group. (Benevolent dictatorship.) When you submit a photo you are guaranteeing that you own this photo and the rights thereto and you are granting unto Grinning Idiot the right to publish said photo on this blog or other Site or publication associated with Grinning Idiot and that Grinning Idiot may alter and/or edit the photo in any manner deemed to be appropriate. In other words, if you show me a little more flesh than I really want to see then, if I'm going to publish it at all, I may strategically locate a smiley face on the image. Just because I publish the photo doesn't guarantee you the right to become a member. I may publish the photo if only to show the world that there are idiots greater than myself out there ;-)

Arafat goes Cheesy

Like many of my generation, I grew up hearing reports of the latest terrorist hijacking by Yasser Arafat and his PLO terrorist organization. Now he is a statesman.

A cheesy statesman, so it seems.

Yasser having taken a page from Bob's book, has written a whole new chapter - "Leading My People into Commercialism".

Gala reported that an Egyptian company has commenced production of a line of potato chips with three new flavours - cheese, paprika and tomato. These chips will be packaged in bags with photos of (you guessed it), Mr. Imnotaterrorist himself, Arafat.

Perhaps he has realized that the other ism's just weren't working out too well for him - either that or he has to make a trip to Ikea.


A terrorist all covered with cheese,
Isn't one for really to tease;
His face selling chips,
A mouth sinking ships;
He's another commercialist sleaze.


Did you know that bags of chips are primarily filled with air?

Dog - Gone - Good

Animal rights groups should take their focus off of Korea and instead look a little further to the north. NTV Russia, during a lull in the reports coming in regarding the love fest between NATO and "Puty Put" Putin (do they have the nude beaches back yet?), reported that a policeman in the southern region of Siberia was sentenced to five years in prison for murder.

Normally a crime of this nature (according to the news report) would receive a more severe sentence but apparently the circumstances of the situation were taken into consideration:

The murdered man killed a neighbour's dog ...

And ate it.


It's on a pooch I shall feast,
A tender morsel, the beast;
What's better than mutt?
A kick in the butt,
Until my heart it has ceased.


I didn't realize that Chinese food was popular in that region of the world.

Celling Sex

What's good old Hugh Hefner up to now? Playboy, the "men's lifestyle" corporation (does this mean that we're not men if we don't live in a mansion and have 7 sexy girlfriends? Damn, I only have 4 cough cough) has decided to provide playmate voice-mail greetings, starting in Europe.

According to the article Playboy plans on moving into the wireless media-rich environment as a distribution channel for their content. "Their content"? Nude pics over my Palm pilot?


Hugh thinks that sex will cell,
It better for Playboy's not well;
They need more moneys,
To keep Hef's honeys,
Pleased by his Viagra swell.


Remember, keep both hands on the steering wheel.

Class with a View

A teacher at Marlborough College in England seems to have been doing a little more than acting as the invigilator of the math exam being taken by the students. He became confused between mathematics and sex education? Or was the human body being used as a study of angles and curves? Regardless, it was reported that he decided to put on a little show for his students.


There once was a teacher of math,
Whilst surfing he took the wrong path;
Showing students some porn,
Nope, nothing was worn;
Now from parents to suffer their wrath.


It does bring to light the fact that the American education system is superior to that of Great Britain. At least the teachers have sex with the students in the US.

Grin and Bare It

Sex came to mind this morning.
You're raising your brows the moment that you read that statement.
Sex?
In the morning?
No kidding?

Come on, people - This was after I had my morning cold shower.

I was reviewing some of the grinningidiot.blogspot log files - My curious nature, I wonder why the heck you've decided to visit this little corner of the Net. (Welcome to my lair said the spider to the fly.) One of the references from search engines jumped up and caught my eyes - grin+and+bare+it ??

Laughing

Who in the world is searching for Grin and bare it? I can understand people using search terms like sex, nude, sexual or naked. It isn't really the "who" - but the "why"? How many people have a fetish, voyeuristic or otherwise, for Grinning Idiots'?

So, off to Google I went to check this out. click-click-click as the words mystically appear within the confines of the search engine box before a final click upon the Enter key.

Voila!

Sure enough, there's this humble little blog ranked at number 11 out of (get this) 134,000 Websites that have been spidered for the words Grin and bare it. - still chuckling - I love Google, really I do - You people are the best.


You've a fetish for an Idiot Grinning?
Like Linda your head's a spinning;
You should be aware,
It's better when bare,
Don't worry it's not really sinning.


Now my curiosity is getting up there. Who? Why? How often? No, not sex (Okay, that too.) It's this whole GABI (my fingers are tired) thingy.

Now how to find out how many people search for this phrase. A good way to do that? Wordtracker provides good estimates. From there I found out that approximately 18 Idiots searched for the GABI phrase in the past 60 days. That's about the same number of searches that occur for "nsync humor" every day. Every day? (But I digress - I would have thought that a search for "nsync" would be the same as that for nysync humor.)

Why?

A hyena fetish? I have no idea (and if you have any ideas please let me know) though it's interesting to see that my compadres in the top 20 range from sports to Website design to (yep) sex and nude beaches.

So, for all of those Grin and Bare It voyeurs out there, a great big, Howdy and Welcome! This may not be the sex show that you're looking for, but I just might get a rise out of you ;-)

The Glass is Half Empty

The screams of frustration and madness have commenced to filter throughout the world, only days prior to the start of the World Cup.

Screams at the choices of referees?
Fan, du jävlar förbanade idiot.

Madness due to the quality (?) of the facilities provided?
Mein Gott in Himmel, jene Bastarde!

More anxiety resulting from the World Cup choice of meals? (They've even threatened to sue Jay Leno for his remarks.)
Mangez la merde, mon ami.

No,
No,
and
(did you guess it?)
Maybe :p

Ha!

It's not even that.
Let them eat cake!

It's ...

Beer

Korea, or at least the southern portion of it (Do they have Yankee and Confederate Koreans as well? The north and the south seem to get along in a similarly pleasant manner), has nigh depleted its stock of beer. Those bastards! Those pagans! Those ... those ... lushes!
Beer is to be rationed with the fans to be limited to one beer per match. (I wonder if there is truly a shortage or if this is to reduce the risk of drunken violence during the football (that's "soccer" for the Americans) matches.)

At the World Cup it so seems,
You'll only drink beer in your dreams;
For Korea is out,
No Ale, no Stout;
Just wait 'til you hear the fans' screams.


I for one most certainly lived in ignorance (yeah, yeah, yeah) pertaining to the drinking habits of Koreans, though this does bring up the question as to what might be Korea's national pass time.

The night is late and my throat parched thus the time has arrived for me to crack open an icy fresh one.

To all of you (waving to Mom and Dad) out there:

Cheers! Skol! Kipis! Vashe Zdorovie!

Quaffing the beverage ... Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

The glass is half empty.

Finishing the beer in one gulp

The glass is completely empty.

Burp!

New Vote in Florida?

Maybe Freud knew something after all. ;-)

(Thanks to Adbumb whom pointed out this photo shot - a wonderfully satirical view of the advertising industry ... with just a little too much truth in it.)

Tattoo Turmoil

To think that they call me The Idiot. I'm not certain if it's the disc jockey (Ben Stone) or Richard Goddard Jr and his bud David Winkleman who are the greater of the idiots in this case. Stone, the Davenport DJ who at the time worked at 95.5 KORB for Cumulus Broadcasting, offered, jokingly (Ha!) concert tickets, gifts and $30,000 per year for 5 years to these two guys for getting a tattoo of the radio station's logo on their foreheads. (Read the details here.)

They did it! LOL

Forehead tats. (Still laughing.)

Now the radio station isn't paying, their defense being that it was done as a joke.

Yeah, right. Great joke. (Oops - laughter stops - sorta snort)

So which were the greater idiots, the DJ (and radio station) or the tatted duo?


Ben Stone the dj did say,
For a tat we'll really really pay;
Just brand your head,
(Proof brain dead?);
Now come try collect, you may.


Maybe I can do one where I'll mention your name in at least 100 unique limericks over the course of a year in exchange for ... hmmm ... now what does an idiot joker like myself require? Money? Fame? Sex? With my luck I'd get someone from Al-Queda responding to the offer and find out that her name has 13 syllables. (Can I call you Buffy?) I believe that I'll stick with Whacking (blatant plug) Poetically (or would that be "Politically"?).


A tat on your head, it sucks,
But hey for 30,000 bucks;
An' tickets to boot,
It's really a hoot,
Now they don't pay, those fucks.


Psst ... I've gotta bridge for ya too.

Oiled and Greased

In Houston an Andersen executive defended the practice of shredding as the prosecution continued to build its case as part of the ongoing Enron scandal.


And on to oily Enron we go,
What a job they did, oh the snow;
When the shit hit the fan,
Good ol' Lay was the man,
Whose documents were shredded, oh no.


While the case may soon come to a rest, some former Enron male employees are not resting on their laurels and have managed to keep a stiff upper, err - lip. They (the former employees of Enron) are to be featured in an upcoming issue of Playgirl.


The guys of Enron shall strut,
Legs, chests and even butt,
Now whom do you say,
These guys or Lay,
Pedal the more perverse smut?


What does this quote (featured in Ananova by Mr. Williams (one of the "models") say about the Enron stigma? "The only thing I am hoping for is future employment without the Enron stigma.

Ahhh ... And here is equal opportunity at its best with some of their former Enron female (should one say "lady"?) co-workers being featured in an upcoming Playboy.

Rumour Department: It was said that Kenneth Lay had his own team that was referred to as the "Lay Team". Need we ask which department the aforementioned models-to-be were employed in?

Note: What type of oil does Frito-Lay use?

Whacking Poetically

These can really turn out to be tongue twisters. (See left hand column, re: Whacking and The Challenge in order to know that to which I'm referring.)

Two addenda to the rules (don't you just love being able to make up your own rules?):

Beside each line please identify the googlewhacked words that are in that line (I don't wish to have to guess - call me lazy, but that's the way I am); and,

Creativity pertaining to the definitions is permitted, as in: gastroenteritis rubenesque might refer to Monica Lewinsky after she had visited Bill Clinton's office (I hadn't thought of it before, but Clinton must have played the secretary in their games - he was the one who took short hand). If the definition is not clear (as in being that from dictionary.com, Merriam-Webster, etc.) please provide clarity as to the meaning to be inferred.

A third "semi" addendum is that there will be a degree (objectively subjective) of latitude regarding the "count" of each line (many, by them self, of the words in the list could provide the count for a line of a limerick).

So on with the new whack:


A parapsychological flatulent man,
Whose blowhole, narcoleptic it can;
Crap octogonal pretzels¹;,
The guff mesmerist bets will,
Cause a whacky irruption in Cannes.


¹Is that the Dubya pretzel?

Krafty Bastards

These are good ol' boys (and girls) to whom the word "lawsuit" comes naturally. Of course it does. Just look at who owns Kraft, that fine upstanding corporate citizen that promotes good living, Phillip (change my name from cancer stick) Morris.


What's up with the old boys at Kraft,
Have they really gone stark raving daft?
They've sued VelVeeda,
His cash they needa?
The King 's gonna get the big shaft.


Take a look at the lawsuit at King VelVeeda and then go out and buy a cookbook so as to be able to cook real food.

Is Kraftwerk next?

Almost a Clean Sweep

The theme to the Twilight Zone came whistling through my mind whilst reading the story surrounding Damon Francis. It seems that a man from Cincinnati was declared not guilty by reason of insanity for having attempted to cross the Canadian border in a street sweeper that he stole (after leaving behind the Cadillac given to him by the Devil). Mr. Francis was on his way to Alaska. (Perhaps he was preparing for the contest?)

Apparently, Mr. Francis believed himself capable of controlling the weather, not to mention his ability to predict the future. He's two up on our local weatherman - he can't predict or control the weather.


There once was a fine Mr. Francis,
Whose mind 's no longer in Kansas,
A street sweeper he stole,
With Alaska his goal;
As to why, there weren't real ans'es.


To have gotten pictures of the Canadian border guards at that time would have been priceless.

Italian No Nude Zone

Italy has deemed it neccesary, during this week's NATO conference at which the US leader George W. Bush shall meet with his Russian counterpart Vladimir Putin, to institute a NNZ ("No Nude Zone") at the Italian nudist beach, Capocotta, near Rome.

Appeals by Italian nudists (not to mention German tourists) to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi went unheeded as the security officials stated their concern with respect to concealed weapons.

Upon the termination of the conference the king will once more be permitted to wear his new clothes.

Dear Bush and ol' Vlad Putin,
In Italy concerned of smut in,
The beach near Rome,
(Vatican's home);
Priests no where to view butt in.


Do we even bother with puns regarding the safety issue with the removal of the crack security squad from this beach?

Wouldn't the safety be all the more with the beach's standard no fly zone?

Reality Boinking

Time flies all too rapidly and it appears, according to this article, that reality TV (in the UK, at least) is going to test out my earlier question.


Dear Lynne, a really shy lass,
With no qualms in showing her ass;
What next we'll see,
On reality TV,
Boinking on screen? How crass.


Patience, America - FOX will catch up.

|.::Subscription::.|

Since the traffic has been sky rocketing (Yeah, baby!) I've had a few people (aol users, need you ask?) asking questions about the "Subscription" feature (see form on right hand column).

This is really a notification service, letting you know when my blog is updated (with notification being sent no more than once per day - even if I stay up all night making 47 entries). So, when I go on holidays (Ha! What are those?) you won't have to hurry back every 57 minutes anxiously attempting to find out if the blog has indeed been updated.

Thus, I don't see your e-mail address and I won't have a clue (what else is new?) if you've signed up or not. I've also tested it to ensure that you don't have to jump through too many hoops in order to unsubscribe (why would you do that?). So don't try to blame your latest spam receipts on me ;-)

Thanks to the guys and gals at Bloglet for providing the service and thanks to the faithful readers (both of you) whom have already signed up (you're great Mom and Dad!).

Each day (assuming that I haven't been too lazy and I did update the blog) you'll receive an e-mail (which is basically the first 100 characters of each post for the day)

New Sun Sluts?

If you're having a problem finding your perfect mate and you didn't qualify for FOX's Alaska contest, this contest might be the one for you.


Here's one for you party nuts;
A contest, if you've got the guts;
To take the bare pics,
As you party, wild chics;
Shall we call them the new sun sluts?


Who knows, perhaps it will be the perfect place for you to find your mate.

Fair Trade

Is it not wonderful to hear about how various countries police fair trade practices as they did in this situation? Would she happen to have any other similarities with her Monica name sake?


The tart, Ms. Isa, it seems,
Too little she charged, cop deems;
Five euros a job,
Per John, Bill or Bob;
It's really the rivals she reams.


Who says that the American way of life hasn't spread throughout the world?

Limerical Whack Off

Once more this blog has been whacked :-)
(see previous Whacked Out commentary.)
This time it was with limericks noctambulist.

Now for the Challenge

The challenge is to create limericks (or verse) from whacked pairs. Poetry (if you may call it that) that makes sense (as much sense as that which you've already read, at least).

Rules? We need rules? Hmmm ... okay, why not.

Each limerick will consist of the usual 5 lines, maintaining (within "license") standard limerical form. Each line must consist of at least one whacked pair from the whacked list. A degree of latitude is permitted by not requiring the words to be in the order shown on the list or even adjacent, though they must be on the same line. Oh, yes - And as noted above, the limerick must make a certain degree of sense, even if we need a dictionary in order to decipher it.

You may submit your Whacked Limericks to: grinningidiot@earthlink.net
Alternatively click on the "Comments" button below to post your limerick.

Away to the whacked stack in order to commence this new poetic whack off.

And the first whacked limerick is:


An acephalous pedophile bearing thesis,
In his portmanteau about hyperkinesis;
Causing salpiglossis retardation,
When he sodomized a crustacean;
Was it epigynous or was it pure feces?


Whack Away!

Mom, Apple Pie, Baseball and ...

Gay?

Everyone in America (who wasn't incarcerated in solitary confinement) heard the allegations that were being tossed around the past weeks, rumours that resulted in New York Mets catcher Mike Piazza having to "come out" and state, "I'm not gay. I'm heterosexual."

Who cares?

Is everyone, other than Freddie (IhateFags - IhateAmerica) Phelps, that blind to believe that there aren't any baseball players who are homosexual or switch hit?

Major League Baseball has 30 professional teams, each of which have 40 players on their rosters. For the mathematically impaired, that would make 1,200 professional baseball players in the US (excluding the thousands who play on the farm teams, semi-pro, etc.).

Estimates show that between 3.5 % and 10% of the US population is gay. Unless the MLB has a more stringent screening process than the Catholic church, using the more conservative numbers this would mean that there are 42 gay baseball players in Major League Baseball today.

That's more than enough for their own baseball team.

While I don't believe that San Francisco is going to change their name to the San Francisco Swingers any time soon, perhaps it's time for people to open their eyes to the reality of the world - it doesn't matter what a person's sexual orientation is, just learn to be comfortable in your own skin so that there's no need to make such a big deal about someone else.


Baseball is a game to play,
Matters not if straight or gay,
Or if white or if black,
Just hear the crack,
This is sounding like a damn cliché.

Okay, so what if it sounds like a cliché. Sometimes clichés may serve a good purpose.
(Yeah, right.)

Would the fans really have a fit?
Were a player to say that he'd hit,
The ball to left field,
"I'm gay", he revealed,
And I'm damn good with a catcher's mitt.

Whacked Out

Finally!

I've been whacked!

Google whacked, that is.

Google, as I've mentioned before is the best search engine (but if you've been on the Net for more than 14 days of which at least 1 of those days was not whilst using an AOL account you'd know that). Google Whacking, is the fine (?) art of ... well, you can just go here to find out for yourself.

Noctambulist dyslexic I whacked,
To see if it might get stacked;
Google's spiders found me,
Not Yahoo, yipee!
To think that they thought I had cracked.

Happy Whacking :-)

About Me

Since some of you have decided to ask:

An unlicensed poet that's me,
A versifier who's not all pc;
An idiot with a grin,
Who writes prose spin,
With a laugh, in your pants you'll soon pee.

I was told that the last line should have been:

With a laugh, you'll read real bad poetry.


Upon reading his ditties and verse,
They soon did fear for the worse;
So his license they revoked,
(Was it something he toked?)
Now it's limericks he writes, perverse.

Enjoy!

Hi ho, Hi ho

I wonder how long it is before mainstream TV (or cable) develops "reality" programs such as, "I can last more than 5 minutes". This one is for us, guys - women will know what this is about ... not that I would ;-)

There once were four small foxes,
Whom FOX let out of their boxes;
To wed a fine man,
(Or laid if they can?);
Without catching AIDS or the poxes.

Food for Thought II

Hey, there's no problem (with me) if you wish to be a vegetarian. There's no problem if you wish to fight against cruelty to animals (a good cause). I do have a problem if you feel that I shouldn't have the right to eat meat or stuff my quilt (needed during our cold Canadian winters) with feathers (isn't that better than wrapping ourselves in seal fur?).

These commando chicks say that you should,
Not eat chicken, please if you would;
Do your best,
And give it the test,
Chicks or the colonel - finger lickin' good?


I don't drink milk but I love to eat cheese. I stopped drinking milk for awhile and I just didn't like the taste when I tried it again - though it's great on my Captain Crunch - not that you really care :-p

I just love unbiased reporting (don't you?) that uses language such as, " ... has infiltrated schools, bought off sports stars, celebrities, and politicians" that is used to enflame an issue and, at least for me, is not associated with credible research.

Cow tipping is in, it is, yes please,
Milk must stop, so the teat to squeeze.
You get osteoporosis,
Not quite comotosis;
Stay healthy and wise and eat only cheese.

Of course, if one was looking for controversy for the sake of controversy and had the desire to provoke a little discussion (not me, of course) they might (upon reading the article) post:

Save a woman and tip the cow.

But that wouldn't be very PC so, just for the sake of humour, I wouldn't do something like that.

Instead of milk, eat broccoli:

Now broccoli it is, gods' nectar true,
Tasty and succulent, a fine green hue.
Now it comes to pass,
That is also gives gas,
And will turn the air a heavy deep blue.

Blond Update

Now I'm feeling rather blond myself tonight, having missed one damn silly tag that messed up the formatting (there are likely more, it's just that they don't screw everything else up as well) - Sorry about that, everyone. Let me know how the new colours look on your browsers as I haven't had a chance to test out the colour combinations or the new table settings on different browsers.

Tomorrow the search engine will be up (hopefully) so that you'll be able to search the entire site. I should also have completed the "weather" (local, that is) too (then again, if I see that it's sunny out I just might go out and enjoy the day).

Thus, in honour of my blond moment:


A blonde pushes her BMW (what else) into a gas station. She proceeds to tell the mechanic, "It died."

The mechanic works on the car for a few minutes and soon enough it's idling smoothly and purring like a new born kitten.

Our blonde friend says, "So, what's the story?"

The mechanic replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."

To which she asks, "How often do I have to do that?"