PETA Wants to Choke Chicken

I'm for the fair treatment of animals, so don't get me wrong, but sometimes there seems to be certain people who go overboard about things.

Take PETA, for example.

This group of animal rights activists believes that the State of Kentucky does not have the right to deem chicken as the official picnic food of the State. Well, we all have an opinion, and perhaps they would enjoy a nice dish of stinky tofu but they go even further by stating that we shouldn't even have the right to enjoy a nice delicious succulent barbequed chicken on the Fourth of July - or any other day, for that matter.

These are the same fine upstanding citizens who believe that we shouldn't own pets or that seeing eye dogs should be prohibited!

PETA they want to choke,
The right of other folk,
To decide on their own,
To chew on a bone,
Or have a chicken to stroke.

Well, its just about time to go warm up the barbeque - perhaps some lamb with rosemary this evening ...

The Raids Have Begun!

"They visited us last night" ...

"They gave us warnings ... "

So stated persons who wished not to be identified after Saudi government agents visited them under cover of darkness.

The campaign has started.

Against terrorists, you ask?

Al-Qaeda cells being raided?

Bringing untold horrors to a halt before they occur?

Horrors indeed!

The horror of receiving a beautiful bouquet of the ancient symbols of love and beauty - roses - on Valentine's Day from a loved one, that is.

The agents of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice (no, I didn't make that up) have commenced their annual visit to florists and gift shops instructing them to remove all red items lest the vice of presenting one's sweetheart with a red gift is promoted.

No more red roses to convey one's deepest love and respect.

No more red wrapping paper in which to enclose a gift.

No more red teddy bears!

On the Day of Love you'll fail,
To find red roses on sale;
At least in Riyadh;
It's really quite sad,
To have one could land you in jail.

Its nice to see how the Saudi princes are promoting democracy and understanding in their land.

One Sick Aussie Puppy

In the Sick Puppy department we now have our latest entry, Craig Hilton Bell, 43, a bank loans manager in Brisbane, Australia.

Craig Bell enjoyed going to female doctors and telling them that he had been kicked in the groin (or other similar ailment) so that the doctor would examine his scrotum and penis and, upon being requested to drop his pants he would quite obviously not be lacking with respect to the functionality of his genitilia (no, he wouldn't be requiring a prescription to Viagra).

The court, quite aptly, described Bell as being a "sad sexual misfit" and convicted him of 24 counts of sexual assault.

Come on, Craig - if you have a fetish make certain that whomever you're getting off with is consenting to it.


A fetish for doctors had he,
When he went is was with great glee;
He'd tell them a lie,
Thinking he's sly;
Now he must get therapy.

Yes Bell he is a sick pup,
He'd say he had pain as he'd cup,
His balls with his hands,
As his manhood expands;
The dude has really cracked up.


I hope that the only doctors that Craig Bell will be seeing for awhile are therapists.

Thanks

The dawn it has come so now it is time,
To pack it all in and cease with the rhyme;
I give to you all my thanks and a bow,
As my head hits my pillow, right away, right now.


Thanks everyone, it has been fun!

'Twas the Night of the Blogathon

This will have to be the start of something for next year (next year?!)

'Twas the night of the blogathon and all 'cross the land
Every blogger was scurrying, to write on demand;
The keyboards were clattering away and aware,
In hopes that some publisher would read what we share;

The bloggers were all nestled all snug at their desks,
Ignoring spouses and children and other small pesks;
And I with my quill, bad prose for to write,
We'd all hunkered in for to scribe through the night.

When out on the street there arose such a noise,
I jumped up from my desk, lacking all poise;
Away down the hall, and into the foyer,
Ripping open the door, praying it wasn't a lawyer.

The lamps up high above the glistening pavement,
Gave the lustre of mid-day around our enslavement;
When, what to my blood shot eyes should I see,
But Hunter S. Thompson, taking a pee.

Drawing his name, all yellow in snow,
I heard for some minutes the sound of the flow;

Public Whores

No, the New York Stock Exchange is not revising it's existing policy and becoming a public traded company.

Australia's largest brothel, the Daily Planet, has lifted its corporate skirts and bared all of the facts so as to try to become a public entity traded on the Australian Stock Exchange within the next 6 to 12 months.

If they succeed, and with the demise of Enron, they'll be the only listed bordello in the world.

It may just give new meaning to the "Dog and Pony" shows that the stock promoters do on behalf of their public clients.


In Oz they've got the Planet,
Where you'll find both Gina and Janet;
They're public going, whores,
Their stock could be yours,
Will it be only the investment that's granite?


Is this one company that one would want to plunge or rise?

Princeton Hacks Yale

Well, Princeton's admissions Director has, according to CNN, finally admitted to having hacked into Yale's computers. Dumb bugger. hehe


Princeton they went to attack,
Yale so there they did hack,
Into their computer,
As they tried to loot her;
To get all their records, the smack.

Priest's Porn Hidden

Upon first glance at the headline I wondered if the priest had been naughty so Cardinal Bernard Law hid his dirty pornography magazines from him.

It wasn't quite the case and it wasn't Cardinal Bernard Law who is involved (at least Law's name wasn't mentioned in the article) but his former aide, Roman Catholic Bishop John B. McCormack who is the brunt of a priest's lawsuit.

The Catholic priest, Reverend James A. MacCormack sued the Diocese of Manchester because they allegedly ruined his career due to a cover-up (during which the pornography was hidden) of the death of Reverend Richard Connors, who had died of a heart attack.

A heart attack?

I'll bet that he had one.

The lawsuit and police records state that the Catholic priest Connors was, at the time of his death, found partially clothed and had a black leather device tied around his genitals.

"Honestly officer, those are special rosary beads that we priests wear."


Bernie's boys are once more in the news,
What is it they do in their pews?
Their balls in black leather,
To hit with a feather?
Oh the Pope how he's singin' the blues.


Authorities were told that the priest Connors had come to the house to buy a dog.

Shakespeare Horny for Nicole Kidman

Michael Boyd, the new head of the Royal Shakespeare Company in England, has described the Bard's work as "horny" and hope to persuade Nicole Kidman to appear in one of their productions.


Shakespeare, the play for the horny,
Who'd thought the Bard to be porny;
So Kidman they want,
The audience to taunt;
To me it just sounds kind of corny.


I believe that Mr. Boyd has been watching too many Austin Powers movies.

Last Leg

This police chase ended with the suspect being down to his last leg ... as his prosthetic leg which came off. Detective Mike Lang said that it "Decreased his mobility." A smart lad that Detective Lang.


There once was a thief with one leg,
In its place was naught but a peg;
The cop chased him round town,
Till he ran him right down,
The cop was a tough boiled egg.